Parenting By My Past

A Positive Parenting Moment

When my oldest son was six my family experienced a difficult financial phase.
One day I was angry about something, I don’t know what, and my beloved son asked for something that I could not provide at that moment.


I don’t remember what I said to him, but even now when I think of that moment I cringe.  The pitch of my voice was raised and my tone sharp.  Later I apologized to him for my actions, but still today I am consumed by guilt.  My husband and I teach our son that self control is important, yet I was unable to control my emotions.


At the core, Positive Parenting is about learning to manage our emotions, so that as parents we can remain calm and rational when assessing our children’s behaviors and actions. It is easy to lash out at our children out of frustration, but is that effective?   Does it teach a lesson?


Instead of reprimanding my son that day, I should have stopped, turned to him, and told him plainly, but without too much detail, why he could not have what he wanted.  My kind, compassionate son probably would not have cried.  He probably would have held my hand and rested his head against my shoulder, and that is why until this day I feel a sense of guilt.


I lashed out, at my greatest treasure because of my own feelings of inadequacy.  As mothers, we can’t do this and expect our children to grow into compassionate, caring, individuals who remain graceful in the face of adversity.


That moment will forever linger with me, and serve as a reminder that my responses to my children are not based on their actions and behaviors, but my state of mind.

Are you interested in joining a community of Black Moms who parent without physical violence or punitive punishment? ​  Are you interested and don't know where to begin?  Join us at Positive Parenting for Black Moms on Facebook.

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